Rough Moments = Personal Growth

If you had to tell someone that from this moment on, their life will be, now and forever, changed and it will affect not only their health, but potentially the health of their sexual partners and children, their ability to work and provide for their family, and then to top it off, their closest friends and neighbors may begin to look at and treat them differently, how would you do it? Do you apologize first? Or does that make it seem like you are apologizing to yourself for getting into a situation like this? Or do you act like it doesn’t mean anything to you to deliver life changing news? Would that make you appear callous and uncaring?

In reality, it isn’t about you. Does the manner in which the message is delivered make any difference to the receiver? Or do they only hear “your HIV test came back positive” and the rest just becomes background noise?

During training, 8 months ago, my language group took a “field trip” to the hospital to experience what happens before, during, and after an HIV test. I remember asking a lot of questions about the tests used and why you should get tested every three months, but I never thought that my curiosity in the nitpicky details of the process would be so incredibly useful. Little did I know, I would be the person explaining to another the process of taking an HIV test. First, pre-test counseling and then, the inevitable question: do you feel prepared for whatever the outcome of the test? (I am not even sure that is a realistic question. Can you ever be fully prepared for something like HIV?) Next, the finger prick and finally, the results of the test appear. One line: negative. Two lines: positive. If the test only has one line, the person is told to make sure they always use a condom, try to limit the number of partners they have, and to get tested again in three months. If there are two lines, however, the person is told the test came back indeterminate and a second, more accurate test is performed. Once again, one line means HIV negative and two lines indicate a positive test result. If two lines appear, then the counselor must tell the person in a sensitive, yet indisputable manner, that they are HIV positive.

Most of the time, this is just a process I observe, but when I was the only person who spoke English, I found myself looking for answers to all of those questions I addressed earlier. I wish I could say I thought only about the people to whom I was delivering this life changing information, but part of me kept thinking about how unprepared I felt. I kept thinking that I should have been taught how to say this the right way. How should I feel about the situation? How do I feel?

But, again, it isn’t about me. It is about the people who have an enormous decision to make. Do they keep living their lives as they did before they were tested? Or do they make the necessary changes and live a longer, healthier life with a few small sacrifices along the way?